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Quick Book Notes: The Charisma Rules

Posted on August 4, 2020August 4, 2020 by Mag Nolia

My key takeaways from The Charisma Rules by Gary Marshall:

  • “Charismatic people have an amazing ability to focus the attention on other people.”
  • Charisma is the ability to make someone feel like they’re the most important person in the world when they’re in your presence; it is the ability to have people warm to you.
  • Rule 1: Presence
    • When you interact with someone, focus your attention on them the entire time; be fully present, ask questions, don’t take your eyes off the other person
  • Rule 2: Listen
    • “Listen with the intent to understand, not to reply.”
    • Listen way more than you speak; after a person has spoken, you can wait (e.g., 5 seconds) before you start speaking
  • Rule 3: Body language
    • Stand or sit upright with your shoulders back – don’t slouch or look at the floor
    • Have a stifled smile or calm look on your face when listening
    • Walk with certainty, passion, and drive
    • Use your hands when talking or telling a story
  • Rule 4: Become a brilliant conversationalist
    • Know your subject matter
    • Use the person’s name often – for instance, greet the person with their name
    • Focus the conversation more on the other person not yourself
    • Remain present and ensure good body language
    • Use “we” instead of “I”
  • Rule 5: Vision and goals
    • Charismatic people are focused, driven, and have clearly-defined goals
    • “Once you realize the goals you’ve set for yourself are possible, you will become addicted to achieving them and your entire mindset will change.”
    • “When you meet someone who is in the process of working on their goals, you can see it from a mile away. They have a passion for life, and seem to have a sparkle in their eyes.”
    • Have a vision that ties all your goals together
  • Rule 6: Hit the gym and dress sharply
    • Do whatever it takes to feel good about the way you look
  • Rule 7: Never complain and take responsibility for everything
    • A charismatic person never complains or moans about anything – “they are a positive beam of light wherever they go.”
    • Never complain about trivial things – getting stuck in traffic, doing laundry, etc.
    • Charismatic people know they’re in control of their lives – things don’t happen to them, things happen because of them
  • Rule 8: Shine the spotlight on other people
    • Compliment others and heap praise on them
    • Make the people in your life feel incredible
    • Shine the spotlight on other people – don’t take the glory and credit yourself
    • Pay people unexpected compliments
  • Rule 9: Be humble, friendly, and smile from within
    • “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” – C.S. Lewis
    • Charismatic people don’t need to make themselves the center of attention – they don’t need to brag about their accomplishments
    • Never talk about your achievements without being asked
    • Be warm and friendly, and smile from within
    • Look for good in everyone
    • Look for the magic moments in each and every day, and be aware of how much abundance and goodness there is in your life
    • “Imagine a type of angelic halo hovering above your head giving off a golden light”
  • Rule 10: Meet the room
    • In a social setting, go out of your way to meet / introduce yourself to as many people as you can
  • Rule 11: Pay everyone some attention
    • Spend time and focus your attention on the people you already know (when in a social setting)
  • Rule 12: Power
    • “Power, in charisma terms, means you have the ability to be influential and inspire the people around you…the kind of power that inspires people.”
    • To exude power, carry yourself in a calm and graceful manner – speak at a relaxed pace in a calming tone
    • Take a second before replying to questions – powerful people don’t panic or speak quickly
    • Power also comes from being an authoritative figure on a subject, being the “go-to-person” for something
    • Charismatic people have a backbone and aren’t pushovers
  • Rule 13: Visualization, mindset, “act as if”
    • Tap into your best self through visualization, a positive mindset, and bringing your best-self ot the forefront
  • Rule 14: The Power of Magic Moments
    • Charismatic people have an “attitude of gratitude” – they are grateful for the things they already have in their life
    • Pay attention to and recount the small, magical moments of life – like the sun beating down on you, or your significant other holding your hand
  • Rule 15: Confidence
    • Charismatic are comfortable in their own skin – they are at peace with themselves, understand who they are, and what they believe in.
  • Rule 16: Awareness
    • Know what you are capable of, and visualize your full potential; know what you want to achieve in life

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