My key takeaways from The Charisma Rules by Gary Marshall:
- “Charismatic people have an amazing ability to focus the attention on other people.”
- Charisma is the ability to make someone feel like they’re the most important person in the world when they’re in your presence; it is the ability to have people warm to you.
- Rule 1: Presence
- When you interact with someone, focus your attention on them the entire time; be fully present, ask questions, don’t take your eyes off the other person
- Rule 2: Listen
- “Listen with the intent to understand, not to reply.”
- Listen way more than you speak; after a person has spoken, you can wait (e.g., 5 seconds) before you start speaking
- Rule 3: Body language
- Stand or sit upright with your shoulders back – don’t slouch or look at the floor
- Have a stifled smile or calm look on your face when listening
- Walk with certainty, passion, and drive
- Use your hands when talking or telling a story
- Rule 4: Become a brilliant conversationalist
- Know your subject matter
- Use the person’s name often – for instance, greet the person with their name
- Focus the conversation more on the other person not yourself
- Remain present and ensure good body language
- Use “we” instead of “I”
- Rule 5: Vision and goals
- Charismatic people are focused, driven, and have clearly-defined goals
- “Once you realize the goals you’ve set for yourself are possible, you will become addicted to achieving them and your entire mindset will change.”
- “When you meet someone who is in the process of working on their goals, you can see it from a mile away. They have a passion for life, and seem to have a sparkle in their eyes.”
- Have a vision that ties all your goals together
- Rule 6: Hit the gym and dress sharply
- Do whatever it takes to feel good about the way you look
- Rule 7: Never complain and take responsibility for everything
- A charismatic person never complains or moans about anything – “they are a positive beam of light wherever they go.”
- Never complain about trivial things – getting stuck in traffic, doing laundry, etc.
- Charismatic people know they’re in control of their lives – things don’t happen to them, things happen because of them
- Rule 8: Shine the spotlight on other people
- Compliment others and heap praise on them
- Make the people in your life feel incredible
- Shine the spotlight on other people – don’t take the glory and credit yourself
- Pay people unexpected compliments
- Rule 9: Be humble, friendly, and smile from within
- “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” – C.S. Lewis
- Charismatic people don’t need to make themselves the center of attention – they don’t need to brag about their accomplishments
- Never talk about your achievements without being asked
- Be warm and friendly, and smile from within
- Look for good in everyone
- Look for the magic moments in each and every day, and be aware of how much abundance and goodness there is in your life
- “Imagine a type of angelic halo hovering above your head giving off a golden light”
- Rule 10: Meet the room
- In a social setting, go out of your way to meet / introduce yourself to as many people as you can
- Rule 11: Pay everyone some attention
- Spend time and focus your attention on the people you already know (when in a social setting)
- Rule 12: Power
- “Power, in charisma terms, means you have the ability to be influential and inspire the people around you…the kind of power that inspires people.”
- To exude power, carry yourself in a calm and graceful manner – speak at a relaxed pace in a calming tone
- Take a second before replying to questions – powerful people don’t panic or speak quickly
- Power also comes from being an authoritative figure on a subject, being the “go-to-person” for something
- Charismatic people have a backbone and aren’t pushovers
- Rule 13: Visualization, mindset, “act as if”
- Tap into your best self through visualization, a positive mindset, and bringing your best-self ot the forefront
- Rule 14: The Power of Magic Moments
- Charismatic people have an “attitude of gratitude” – they are grateful for the things they already have in their life
- Pay attention to and recount the small, magical moments of life – like the sun beating down on you, or your significant other holding your hand
- Rule 15: Confidence
- Charismatic are comfortable in their own skin – they are at peace with themselves, understand who they are, and what they believe in.
- Rule 16: Awareness
- Know what you are capable of, and visualize your full potential; know what you want to achieve in life